Originally published in The Daily Toreador.
The start of a new school semester means a lot of things. It means classes begin, obviously, and for many of us it means moving back to Lubbock from wherever else we may spend our summers. But for a lot of people it means something very important: It’s party time again.
Sure, many college-age students are perfectly capable of attending parties and bars no matter what time of the year it is, but you know there are plenty of people – many incoming freshmen among them, I’m guessing – who are forced to make the most out of time away from home and away from parental units.
Regardless of your circumstances, we all know that a lot of us are going to be drinking a lot during the school year, whether we can buy beer at the local Wal-Mart or not.
But I’m going to make a suggestion for you in terms of drinking at any parties you attend: Don’t.
Don’t get me wrong. I’m not here to say, “Drinking is a sin. You’re going to ruin your body and probably kill yourself and those around you. Also, beer makes you pregnant.” That’s not why I’m here. If you want to get wasted and pass out at your buddy’s place, what do I care? Just try to obey the law and not kill me on the road and we shouldn’t have any problems.
What some of you may not realize, though, is that there’s another reason not to drink at parties. That reason? Watching drunk people can be extremely entertaining.
I don’t drink. It’s not a religious choice or anything like that; it’s just not something I personally enjoy. So whenever I’m out at a party or other gathering where there is alcohol involved, it’s not uncommon for me to be one of the only sober people around once enough time has passed.
Why does that matter? Well, for one thing, I tend to remember everything a bit better than anyone else does. And I’m able to point and laugh when people take things too far and act very foolish.
So that night you always brag about, saying, “My party must have been awesome! I don’t remember a thing!”? Well, I can remember quite vividly the moment when you and another guy tried to compete in a push-up contest, until you forfeited in order to perform a moving rendition of “Head, Shoulders, Knees and Toes.”
You might have had fun, and that’s great for you. But I had fun for an entirely different reason. And I actually have memories to laugh at for awhile.
No offense to any freshmen reading this, but some of you can often be the funniest. First-time drinkers often know how to overdo things in quite an extraordinary way.
It’s also easier to obtain certain bragging rights when you’re sober. Do you know how easy it is to beat drunk people at “Guitar Hero”? I would never claim to be all that amazing at the game, but I had people bowing to me like I was a fake guitar god at one party.
Now, keep in mind that if you do choose to go to a party and remain sober, it might be best to bring a partner who shares your goal. While laughing at drunken behavior can be fun, it’s more fun when you have someone else to laugh with.
Granted, this isn’t something for everybody. And heck, if everybody went to parties sober, there wouldn’t be drunk people to laugh at in the first place. So I’m not suggesting that everybody make this their routine. I’m only saying that you might want to try it sometime and see what happens.
If you decide later to drink, then drink. I have nothing against it. It gives me more entertainment anyway.